Creativity, courage, and connection are three Cs that we make efforts to embody here at First Baptist Church in Newton Centre. Among other things, on select Sundays, we have something called Second Hour, which is a series of discussions led by church members and guests after worship on select Sundays. It's an opportunity to stay for a second hour after service and be inspired by delightful people, great themes, and good discussion.
"I felt that the community at FBCN had my back."
"I felt that the community at FBCN had my back."
Heather Palmer, a doctor and former member of the faculty at the Harvard School of Public Health lead a discussion on how gender relationships have changed over her lifetime. Read along to learn more about how being in community assured Heather that someone had her back:
In many societies, and until the last century in the Western world, women could not work outside the home and virtually had to marry. They and their property were then owned by their husbands. A lot has changed in gender relationships and much for the better in my own lifetime. This is an anecdotal account of some personal experiences in living through these changes.
On my first day at Medical School in 1957, I was one of 12 girls in a class of about 290 men. We girls had been to all-girls schools and were younger than most of the men who had served conscripted time in the armed services. We sat in a row in the back of the huge amphitheater, wearing white gloves and demure attire, terrified! But we were in Medical School!
The historic shift in women attending Medical School is well illustrated by a local example. At Harvard, in 1943, there was a prolonged fight over allowing women into Medical School. The purpose was to make up for the absence of students due to the deployment and sacrifice of so many men in World War ll. One faculty member, however, had this to say: "The pro-feminists are apt to overlook the fundamental biological law that the primary function of woman is to bear and raise children, and the first social duty of woman is to develop and perpetuate the home." The proposal to admit women failed.
In 1945, a few women were allowed to enter Harvard Medical School for the very first time “on an equal basis” with men. By 2017, of 165 entering medical students at Harvard Medical School, 51% were men and 49% women.
Entering a “Men’s World”
For my generation, and in my career, the biggest problems I encountered fell into the categories of put-downs, pay, and promotion. The large organizations for which I worked were especially slow to change.
Putdowns
During my career I was often the only woman working among men and I had all male superiors. I had many friendly male colleagues and some wise male mentors. But I frequently encountered putdowns that, although trivial, when repetitive, damage one’s self-confidence. I’ll share a tiny selection of examples of these incid
ents designed to “put me in my place.”
When I revealed in a job interview that my father and sister were doctors, the senior physician interviewer exclaimed with satisfaction “that’s how your father got his sons!” The same senior physician met with a female colleague and me to discuss our academic appointments on our return to work after a pregnancy. His first question was, “Are you breast feeding?” Among pediatricians, that’s a professional question. But when we both said we were, he added with a leer “Well it doesn’t hurt your figures, does it!”
Outside the clinical setting, putdowns were common too. When I was testing the projection equipment at a meeting in DC where I was to be the first speaker, a well-known Washington gadfly mistook me for a secretary and shouted across the room at me, “When is the chairman arriving?” Since I was not a staff person, I could have had no idea. When serving on national councils and committees I resigned myself to the inevitable senior male shoulder-squeezer.
Once, my husband and I were seated at a dinner for wealthy donors the evening before a symposium where I was to be a speaker. A prospective donor seated at our table leaned past me to say to my husband, “I’m looking forward to your talk tomorrow, Dr. Palmer.” My husband replied “You’ll have to talk to my wife about that!” My husband was 6 foot 5 inch tall, a distinguished looking man – we used to joke that I should put him in front of me at the Speaker’s microphone and I would speak from behind him!
My most egregious example of a putdown occurred at a meeting of about 30 participants, where I was the only woman. When the chairman asked for questions, my hand was first up; he waited a second until another hand went up, then took that questioner. He called on other questioners many times. After a while, I gave up raising my hand, until two guys behind me urged me to keep trying. After many minutes, the Chairman, glaring at me, the last with my hand up, announced “That’s all we have time for,” and closed the session.
Some male peers seemed motivated in part by a feeling that women had an unfair advantage. When I joined a conversation between my boss and a colleague of my age, the young man exclaimed in annoyance “Have you come to flash your ankles at us?”
It was an unpleasant surprise that some senior nursing staff clearly resented women medical students & tried to impose restrictions on us that our male colleagues did not suffer. Even in our church community, some female members tried to impose their expectations about acceptable contributions from woman members and their disapproval of women who worked outside the home.
Pay
Unequal pay for men and women is now a hot issue. In the UK, large firms are required by law to publish data on the salary difference between male and female employees. As the data roll in, it emerges that women lose out on £140bn ($186 bn) a year due to the gender pay gap.
My personal experience reflects the complexities of this issue. In 1966, as an intern, those who lived in hospital accommodation received free room and board and $2,000 a year in salary. Those who were married received a large “living out” allowance if they were male but not if they were female, the assumption being that husbands would support female interns. During most of my career I worked at a University where it was widely known that men in equivalent jobs were paid substantially more than women. Lip service was paid to the idea of equal pay for equal work, with the explanations that women couldn’t work such long hours because of home and child care duties, and that women’s careers were interrupted by time taken off for pregnancies or to care for aged relatives. I did not join the earnest committees set up by the University to debate women’s rights because they served as yet another time wasting distraction from getting my work done in competition with my male colleagues!
Promotions
Like many young women entering a male world, I assumed that if I did good work it would be noticed and rewarded with promotion. It was a long time before I realized that wasn’t how it worked! In the mid 1990s, a woman professor in another school of the University warned me that I was being overlooked while less qualified men gained promotion. My requests for promotion were met with blank refusals. My Department head gave no reason but said “Why do you want to be a professor, my wife doesn’t!” Given the hostility I began receiving from my senior male colleagues, I saw that if I pressed the issue, I would be perceived as an aggressive “bitch.” But many junior women faculty who had left and many women recent graduates urged me to take a lead in fighting for promotion. Without that pressure, the example of a few women in other Schools of the University, and the unflagging support of my husband, I would not have taken the next step: I filed a grievance. This gave me the first opportunity to hear the rationale for refusing promotion. It revealed, among other things, that the all male senior faculty in my department had voted thumbs down without even reading my Curriculum Vitae.
This process was stressful. One Sunday, during the service at First Baptist Church in Newton Centre (FBCN), we read together Psalm 56:
In many societies, and until the last century in the Western world, women could not work outside the home and virtually had to marry. They and their property were then owned by their husbands. A lot has changed in gender relationships and much for the better in my own lifetime. This is an anecdotal account of some personal experiences in living through these changes.
On my first day at Medical School in 1957, I was one of 12 girls in a class of about 290 men. We girls had been to all-girls schools and were younger than most of the men who had served conscripted time in the armed services. We sat in a row in the back of the huge amphitheater, wearing white gloves and demure attire, terrified! But we were in Medical School!
The historic shift in women attending Medical School is well illustrated by a local example. At Harvard, in 1943, there was a prolonged fight over allowing women into Medical School. The purpose was to make up for the absence of students due to the deployment and sacrifice of so many men in World War ll. One faculty member, however, had this to say: "The pro-feminists are apt to overlook the fundamental biological law that the primary function of woman is to bear and raise children, and the first social duty of woman is to develop and perpetuate the home." The proposal to admit women failed.
In 1945, a few women were allowed to enter Harvard Medical School for the very first time “on an equal basis” with men. By 2017, of 165 entering medical students at Harvard Medical School, 51% were men and 49% women.
Entering a “Men’s World”
For my generation, and in my career, the biggest problems I encountered fell into the categories of put-downs, pay, and promotion. The large organizations for which I worked were especially slow to change.
Putdowns
During my career I was often the only woman working among men and I had all male superiors. I had many friendly male colleagues and some wise male mentors. But I frequently encountered putdowns that, although trivial, when repetitive, damage one’s self-confidence. I’ll share a tiny selection of examples of these incid
ents designed to “put me in my place.”
When I revealed in a job interview that my father and sister were doctors, the senior physician interviewer exclaimed with satisfaction “that’s how your father got his sons!” The same senior physician met with a female colleague and me to discuss our academic appointments on our return to work after a pregnancy. His first question was, “Are you breast feeding?” Among pediatricians, that’s a professional question. But when we both said we were, he added with a leer “Well it doesn’t hurt your figures, does it!”
Outside the clinical setting, putdowns were common too. When I was testing the projection equipment at a meeting in DC where I was to be the first speaker, a well-known Washington gadfly mistook me for a secretary and shouted across the room at me, “When is the chairman arriving?” Since I was not a staff person, I could have had no idea. When serving on national councils and committees I resigned myself to the inevitable senior male shoulder-squeezer.
Once, my husband and I were seated at a dinner for wealthy donors the evening before a symposium where I was to be a speaker. A prospective donor seated at our table leaned past me to say to my husband, “I’m looking forward to your talk tomorrow, Dr. Palmer.” My husband replied “You’ll have to talk to my wife about that!” My husband was 6 foot 5 inch tall, a distinguished looking man – we used to joke that I should put him in front of me at the Speaker’s microphone and I would speak from behind him!
My most egregious example of a putdown occurred at a meeting of about 30 participants, where I was the only woman. When the chairman asked for questions, my hand was first up; he waited a second until another hand went up, then took that questioner. He called on other questioners many times. After a while, I gave up raising my hand, until two guys behind me urged me to keep trying. After many minutes, the Chairman, glaring at me, the last with my hand up, announced “That’s all we have time for,” and closed the session.
Some male peers seemed motivated in part by a feeling that women had an unfair advantage. When I joined a conversation between my boss and a colleague of my age, the young man exclaimed in annoyance “Have you come to flash your ankles at us?”
It was an unpleasant surprise that some senior nursing staff clearly resented women medical students & tried to impose restrictions on us that our male colleagues did not suffer. Even in our church community, some female members tried to impose their expectations about acceptable contributions from woman members and their disapproval of women who worked outside the home.
Pay
Unequal pay for men and women is now a hot issue. In the UK, large firms are required by law to publish data on the salary difference between male and female employees. As the data roll in, it emerges that women lose out on £140bn ($186 bn) a year due to the gender pay gap.
My personal experience reflects the complexities of this issue. In 1966, as an intern, those who lived in hospital accommodation received free room and board and $2,000 a year in salary. Those who were married received a large “living out” allowance if they were male but not if they were female, the assumption being that husbands would support female interns. During most of my career I worked at a University where it was widely known that men in equivalent jobs were paid substantially more than women. Lip service was paid to the idea of equal pay for equal work, with the explanations that women couldn’t work such long hours because of home and child care duties, and that women’s careers were interrupted by time taken off for pregnancies or to care for aged relatives. I did not join the earnest committees set up by the University to debate women’s rights because they served as yet another time wasting distraction from getting my work done in competition with my male colleagues!
Promotions
Like many young women entering a male world, I assumed that if I did good work it would be noticed and rewarded with promotion. It was a long time before I realized that wasn’t how it worked! In the mid 1990s, a woman professor in another school of the University warned me that I was being overlooked while less qualified men gained promotion. My requests for promotion were met with blank refusals. My Department head gave no reason but said “Why do you want to be a professor, my wife doesn’t!” Given the hostility I began receiving from my senior male colleagues, I saw that if I pressed the issue, I would be perceived as an aggressive “bitch.” But many junior women faculty who had left and many women recent graduates urged me to take a lead in fighting for promotion. Without that pressure, the example of a few women in other Schools of the University, and the unflagging support of my husband, I would not have taken the next step: I filed a grievance. This gave me the first opportunity to hear the rationale for refusing promotion. It revealed, among other things, that the all male senior faculty in my department had voted thumbs down without even reading my Curriculum Vitae.
This process was stressful. One Sunday, during the service at First Baptist Church in Newton Centre (FBCN), we read together Psalm 56:
“Be merciful to me, my God, for my enemies are in hot pursuit; all day long they press their attack. My adversaries pursue me all day long; in their pride many are attacking me. When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise—in God I trust and am not afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?”
From then on, although I never discussed my situation with fellow members, I felt that the community at FBCN had my back.
At last, and after more foot dragging, and although I didn’t look like a professor (I was not only female but short and had a British accent!) I got my promotion. Within a couple of years, several women queued up behind me were promoted so that the Department that up to then had only male professors, now has 6 women out of 16 professors.
Yes, I can attest that gender relations have markedly changed in the last half century! Thank God.
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