Thank you for your thoughtful message. I appreciate your kindness and willingness to share your experience. I can see why you might be surprised, even jarred, by my referring to God as "capricious". I wish others would engage me as you have! You speak from a deep place.
Perhaps I can explain myself a bit.
What I am interested in is encouraging, even instigating, a deeply empathic, honest, and vibrant community. It is difficult for churches to become this kind of community when there is a subterranean anxiety fueling a perceived need to uphold or protect 'correct belief' or "orthodoxy" [however it is defined]. This anxiety limits spiritual growth by discouraging honest conversations. The experience is, "Unless you are exactly like us, you can't become one of us...you can't "belong". Right Belief comes first, then you can participate, you belong. Until then, we will accept you as you are and tolerate you and your journey towards orthodoxy."
It is difficult, if not impossible, to see this from the inside. It is much like the emperor's new clothes. In order to protect us all from embarrassment and to avoid offending anyone, we remain silent.
As "clergy", my role is to create opportunities for tranformation. I approach this with (hopefully) a deep awareness of my own limited understanding of a fathomless God. Telling people how to think or speak about God robs them of their opportunity to discover God on their own. Jesus' disciples were asked to pick things up as they went along. "More of Christ is caught then taught," as they used to say.
The morning I spoke about miracles, everyone who spoke expressed confidence about the possibility miracles. Most were agnostic about miracles, resigned to accept the possibility, but not the certainty, of miracles based on a simple rationale: "I can neither prove nor disprove the possibility of miracles, nor can I understand the mind of God. Therefore, I will remain open but not expectant or certain." This kind of thinking is not especially "Christian" as much as it is rational or common sense. Perhaps thinking "Christianly" is more demanding? Perhaps thinking "Christianly" is even more demanding than choosing a side and thus resolving the dissonance and our lives (our actions and behaviors) show us what we "believe".
There were people in attendance that morning who did not speak up that are both (1) deeply skeptical about the possibility of miracles and (2) deeply skeptical about the virtue of remaining agnostic about miracles ("lukewarm...neither hot nor cold..."). By proposing that God may be "capricious", I spoke on their behalf in order to (1) stand with the marginalized in the room and to (2) create the opportunity for others to discover, even share, their own conflicted thoughts about miracles, and so on.
I realize this can be perceived by some as "unconventional". I might be more inclined to accept this conclusion except that Jesus takes a similar approach when fielding questions about money (giving to Caesar what is Caesar's), power (who will get the seat next to God), and sin (throwing stones).
Regarding God's "capriciousness": God does appear "capricious" in the Hebrew Bible - Abraham's near-murder of Isaac, genocide via a flood, life and death cosmic games with the life of a "Godly man", Job. Many people find traditional interpretations of the Bible difficult (especially in a post-Holocaust world) and many (most?) churches are missing the valuable opportunity to become "interpretive communities" in favor of becoming communities of particular interpretations. It is, in fact, the slow, process of interpretation which yields the very spiritual growth many (most?) churches long for. This kind of transformation only occurs when we are confronted empathically with the gap that exists between what say we believe and how we really live. My own passionate plea to trust God by resisting consumerism can distance me from my fear of financial ruin.
I hope this helps a bit. I hope to see you again soon!